"I Am" Meme

All you have to do is list 30 "I am" statments about yourself. I tag anyone who wants to. It's hard, but doable.

1. I am a girl.
2. I am a Christian.
3. I am a person with diabetes.
4. I am a student.
5. I am a daughter.
6. I am a camper.
7. I am a sister.
8. I am a pumper.
9. I am a thinker.
10. I am a reader.
11. I am hungry.
12. I am intelligent.
13. I am blond(no jokes necessary).
14. I am a poor college student.
15. I am a pianist.
16. I am a leader.
17. I am blue eyed.
18. I am a geek.
19. I am caucasian.
20. I am a reader.
21. I am a writer.
22. I am always listening to music.
23. I am a bargin hunter.
24. I am a water drinker.
25. I am a computer user.
26. I am pro-life.
27. I am a Narnia fan.
28. I am humourous.
29. I am getting tan.
30. I am alive.

Weird

Second only to my homepage, The Classroom is the second most viewed page according to StatCounter.

To Parents of CWDs Everywhere

You amaze. Really. You guys need an award. Or a club. A country club. Something. Cause you guys rock.

I was 19 when I was diagnosed. My parents chose to ignore it. Then deny it. Then tell me to just stop eating sugar, and I won't need my pump. The one thing they refused to do was learn about it. They just didn't want to. It was too hard. So I deal with it on my own and with the support of the OC, a few message boards, and a few close friends. I am grateful for the support I do have.

But to hear what you guys go through. Field trips with kids. Camping trips. Filling reservoirs so your child doesn't have to deal with it. Helping your kids to realize where their out of range blood sugars come from without being judgmental. Showing up at every clinic appointment on time with your kids helping them to communicate best with the doctor.

You guys are amazing. Your patience, your problem solving, your support. I'm envious of your kids.

Pricking their fingers even though you don't want to. And they certainly don't want you too. But being as gentle as possible, and just making it part of life and easy as cheese. Changing sites or giving shots even when you don't want to. And again, they don't want you to. Even if they beg you not to. Even if you think missing one shot won't hurt. Because you know it's what's good for them. And as a parent that's priority. Staying up late at nights for 3 am checks. Losing sleep because you care so much. And never want anything to harm them. Recognizing it's not just the here and now. But the future. And praying for a cure for their future. And ours. And putting those prayers into real life action at fund raiser after fund raiser.

So as we are here in between Mother's Day and Father's Day, a special kudos to all you parents who deal with your sweet kids, while making your non-d kids never feel left out.

High five. And then some.

That site ain't going no where!

I had a rather refreshing appointment with endo and CDE recently (isn't that nice when you leave the doctor feeling refreshed, rather than pissed off?). CDE told me she can see why I'm not just thrilled with pumping yet, but promised it will get better.

So...I'm still pumping. I half was going into the appointment thinking I was gonna tell CDE just give me some pens and let me try those. But she assurred me I haven't given pumping a fair enough try yet- and really, I know she is right.

She said I'm definitely allergic to the adhesive, so, I learned how to "sandwich" the sets with IV3000.

I did a set change this morning and used the sticky wipes and the IV3000. And let me tell you- this site ain't going no where! I think I will actually get three full days on it.

Screw the Pump Again

Well, today is my two week aniversarry of pumping. Or would be anyways. That is...if my pump were working. Guess what- it's not really waterproof! One half hour in the pool and it's totally broken. My new pump will be here wednesday. So 40 hours of shots. I think I'm gonna go cry now. Bye.

Screw the Pump

For now at least.

It's 2:30 am and an hour ago I pulled out my second site for the day. The first one pulled out while I was getting dressed this morning. New site went in. That one I yanked out purposefully, as it hurt like hell. Sure enough, blood leaked in a steady stream from the site when I yanked it out. "Lovely" I thought as I pressed a tissue against the sore area, relieved to have the site out.

And I ignored diabetes for an hour. Glucose climbed from 105 to 175. And that's when it struck me that I had to do something about insulin besides just ignore my physiological need for it and prance around like a non-diabetic. So 11 units of lantus went in the left side of my stomach, and 2 of novolog in the right. And that's all the more I am thinking about diabetes tonight.

Over and out.

Strange...

I had lunch today. I had that cheesy mac and cheese you put the goob on. I was careful to only have one serving. It brought back memories of the last time I had it- a year ago. I had about three servings, not giving a damn about how many carbs it had. I wondered briefly why I would do that. Then I remembered. I didn't have diabetes back then. It didn't matter. And it was strange. Because it was then I realized diabetes had taken over so much of my life I barely remember what it was like to not have diabetes, even though it was only a year ago. I feel like I have had it forever.

Not me.

The numbers on the prescription form stared back at me: 250.x1. It was a code I looked up before, but not one I had to look up this time. I knew what it meant. The doctors weren't keeping any secrets from me. In fact, these numbers played an intricate part in my life. They represent the ICD-9 label for type 1 diabetes. Or in other terms- “diabetes, juvenile type.” The label was applied to me months ago. But it wasn't a label that I felt comfortable with.

For one thing, with a diagnosis age of 19, juvenile hardly described me. Type 1 diabetes I felt slightly more comfortable, but still, it wasn't me.

For another thing, I wasn't sick enough. With no hospitalizations caused by this diagnosis, no ketoacidosis, and only a few lows that I couldn't bring myself out of, this wasn't me. I wasn't afraid of ketones because I never had a problem with them. My lack of fear was evidenced by my blatant lack of ketone strips. I had only tested ketones 8 times in my life- the exact number of strips included in a Precision Xtra ketone pack. And all 8 times it was 0.0. So my lack of fear continued. This wasn't me. I wasn't sick. I wasn't dependent on a substance that didn't even exist 83 years ago.

In fact- I rarely thought about diabetes. But at the same time, it consumed my mind. I took a shot every time I ate. I tested 10 times a day. I could formulate a carb count for almost any food with a glance of my eyes. But it didn't bother me. And none of my friends knew about my secret world of shots and tests and carb counting.

And the forms were signed. And faxed off. And insurance approved. And my order was shipped. And training was scheduled.

And.
The.
Box.
Came.

It was small. Too small. And light. Too light. I held it next to my cell phone. It was the same size. My cell phone was cool. But my life relied on this. I knew that mentally, but couldn't grasp it emotionally. My life did not depend on insulin- I wasn't sick enough. The hormone was just something that was there to give me more energy. Like a vitamin supplement, in my opinion. No big deal if a cannula gets kinked or I miss a dose.

I read the manuals. I did the training. I got told I knew everything I needed to. I got hooked up, blessed, and sent on my way.

But it wasn't me. And it still isn't. It's just there.

And Without Further Ado...

The interview questions!

Sorry this took so long.

Rebecca (btw, I'm gonna add a link to your blog).
1. What was your first thought when being diagnosed?
2. When did you know you wanted to work with animals? Why? (sorry, I cheated, two questions in one).
3. Have you considered pumping?
4. Where can you typically found on a Saturday night?
5. Ten words that describe you.

Justme (adding you too! man, so many bloggers I didn't know about!).
1. Top 3 tv shows?
2. I noticed you are house hunting. Describe your dream home.
3. Top 5 diabetes pet peeves?
4. You're pretty new to diabetes- has it changed your life as much as you thought it would?
5. What is your favorite part about your hometown?

Interview MeMe

Allison interviewed me (per my request). Took me awhile to come up with these answers for several reasons:
1. final exams (woot, woot)
2. failure to think of answers (mmm...maybe I exhausted my thinking ability?)


1. If you had a Saturday to do absolutely anything in the world (assuming you were a gazillionaire and the ability to travel instantly to another location), what would you do?
Oh...I would want to do so much. First I would want to go parasailing. I've always wanted to do that. Shopping sprees too of course, I could use a new computer. I'd want to go to an amuesmant park and ride rollarcoasters (with no lines, of course). I'd probably want to go snorkling too. When do I get to do this, again?


2. Now that you've been on the pump for a few days, is there anything you don't like about it?
Yeah, the whole having diabetes bit :D Besides that, everything else is just minor annoyances. And even those I think will be fixed with longer tubing. It annoys me when I drop it and I have it hanging from my abdomen. It annoys me when I roll over and *jerk* wake up at night from it. That kinda stuff. Other than that I love it! I even forgot I had it Monday for the first time ever. I was taking an exam, and I reached down for a pencil, my hand got stuck in tubing and I though, "What is that?" And volia. I had a pump.

3. If you could have any job in the world, what would you want to do?
I'd want to open a diabetes center. And I'm not even joking. I have so many good ideas. And after going through three centers before I found one I liked, I have ideas at what is good and what isn't. I think it would be fun. Plus, you would be the first to see all the new inventions. And to get paid to think about something I think about anyways? That's a pretty sweet deal!

4. Do you have any siblings? If yes, what is your relationship like? If no, do you wish you had siblings?

I have two sisters, aged 13 and 17. The 17 year old and I get along pretty well. The 13 year old and I usually aruge, but really love each other. We are just quite accomplished at annoying each other. We used to get along better when she was younger. Maybe when she is older (aka past this middle school crap) it will be good again. The 17 year old and I have different interests- she actually likes shopping! And she can't imagine why I like camping. But alas, we manage to have fun together. Eating food is something we all like, afterall.


5. Who is your inspiration? This is a hard one. I have different inspirations for different things. I have my person who I go to for God-stuff advice. I have my parents who I go to for school and life advice. I have professors who I want to be like when I am in the working world. I even have different "attitude role-models" who have great attitudes I want to model. So basically I have no one inspiration, but look up to a lot of different people with a lot of different traits.


If you want to be interviewed, leave a comment. I'll interview 5 people, or slightly more if this is in high demand.

Pump Update

I've now been pumping a few days. And I've come to a few conclusions:

1. I LOVE pumping. It's as good as I thought it would be and better. The convience is superb! I love being able to bolus on the go, and using temp rates for excersise and all the things I thought I would love about it.

2. I'm already used to wearing it, not bad at all!

3. I need longer tubing. 23 inches isn't even long enough for me to set it down when I get dressed.

4. I LOVE the insets. No pain at all yet!

5. I need higher basals across the board- I can do better than 150s-200s. No lows yet though. Right now I am using 9.18 units basal. I was using 11 units on Lantus.

6. Having meter built into pump=huge convienance.

7. The Cozmo case does, indeed, suck.

8. I had a milkshake and didn't even feel sick afterwards! That's amazing!

9. Filling up reservoir 150 units is about perfect for my 20 unit a day requirments. That works out to about 2 reservoir changes per set change perfectly.

I think there's more, but that's all I can remember for now.

Christmas in April

Yesterday was the day.

The box came.



Note sample Ascensia Contour, sitting on my floor, without use, compliments of Bayer.

With presents (well, not really):



Hey, hey, no bad at all:



And the good news- I like the insets a lot better than the comfort I tried last week.

I Feel Like a Pregnant Woman

Only, without the baby growing inside me.

The move to pumping seems to have turned me into an emotional wreck this weekend.

I'm not sure why, but all the excitement I felt toward pumping has turned into fear and sadness. I'm still fairly new to diabetes, just over 6 months for me. And I feel like I was just figuring things out on shots. Now it's changing, probably for the better, but changing nonetheless again. And due to honeymooning, I feel like my blood sugar levels don't punish me too badly for a missed dose here and there, resulting in me not feeling insulin dependant totally. This in turn has led to me feeling like I don't really need a pump.

I feel like a pump will make me more diabetic, if that makes sense. I went to my last endo appointment half expecting to be told I don't have diabetes, and came back with a pump ordered. Whoa... And I feel like I have been viewing the pump has a fun toy to have, not a permanent life line. This struck me yesterday when I read the manual and it kept saying how important it is to have a back up plan if you need to disconnect and to make sure you don't have occulsions and such. It's there. All. The. Time.

I keep wondering what it is going to be like. I was doing house work this afternoon and put my mp3 player on my waist. And it annoyed me. Granted, my pump will be half the size.

Going on the pump is making me feel like I am being diagnosed all over again. It's making me accept something I haven't quite accepted yet.

Purty Purple Cozmo

I saw a new endo today. He told me I'm an ideal pump candidate. He had me meet with the trainer right away. And guess what. My cozmo is on the way. I think this officially makes me a pumper!

Book Meme

This has been circulating around The OC, so I figured I would give it a try, even though it will probably make me look like I have very immature reading ;)

Instructions: Bold the ones you've read. Italicize the ones you've been wanting/might like to read. ??Place question marks by any titles/authors you've never heard of?? Put an asterisk if you've read something else by the same author.

Allcott, Louisa May Little Women
Allende, Isabel The House of Spirits
*Angelou, Maya I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret Cat's Eye
Austen, Jane Emma
??Bambara, Toni Cade Salt Eaters??
??Barnes, Djuna Nightwoodde??
??Beauvoir, Simone The Second Sex??
*Blume, Judy Are You There God? It's Me Margaret
Burnett, Frances The Secret Garden
Bronte, Charlotte Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily Wuthering Heights
Buck, Pearl S. The Good Earth
Byatt, A.S. Possession
Cather, Willaâ y Antonia
Chopin, Kate The Awakening
*Christie, Agatha Murder on the Orient Express
Cisneros, Sandra The House on Mango Street
Clinton, Hillary Rodham Living History
Cooper, Anna Julia A Voice From the South
??Danticat, Edwidge Breath, Eyes, Memory??
Davis, Angela Women, Culture, and Politics
??Desai, Anita Clear Light of Day??
Dickinson, Emily Collected Poems
Duncan, Lois I Know What You Did Last Summer
??DuMaurier, Daphne Rebecca??
Eliot, George Middlemarch
??Emecheta, Buchi Second Class Citizen??
??Erdrich, Louise Tracks??
??Esquivel, Laura Like Water for Chocolate??
Flagg, Fannie Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty The Feminine Mystique
Frank, Anne Diary of a Young Girl
??Gilman, Charlotte Perkins The Yellow Wallpaper??
??Gordimer, Nadine July's People??
*Grafton, Sue S is for Silence
??Hamilton, Edith Mythology??
Highsmith, Patricia The Talented Mr. Ripley
*hooks, bell Bone Black*
??Hurston, Zora Neale ust Tracks on the Road??
??Jacobs, Harriet Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl??
Jackson, Helen Hunt Ramona
Jackson, Shirley The Haunting of Hill House
??Jong, Erica Fear of Flying??
Keene, Carolyn The Nancy Drew Mysteries
Kidd, Sue Monk The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaic “Lucy
Kingsolver, Barbara The Poisonwood Bible
??Kingston, Maxine Hong The Woman Warrior??
??Larsen, Nella–Passing??
L'Engle, Madeleine “A Wrinkle in Time
Le Guin, Ursula K. The Left Hand of Darkness
Lee, Harper To Kill a Mockingbird
Lessing, Doris The Golden Notebook
Lively, Penelope Moon Tiger
Lorde, Audre The Cancer Journals
Martin, Ann M. The Babysitters Club Series
McCullers, Carson The Member of the Wedding
McMillan, Terry Disappearing Acts
??Markandaya, Kamala Nectar in a Sieve??
??Marshall, Paule Brown Girl, Brownstones??
Mitchell, Margaret Go with the Wind
Montgomery, Lucy Maud–Anne of Green Gables
Morgan, Joan When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost
Morrison, Toni Song of Solomon
??Murasaki, Lady Shikibu The Tale of Genji??
Munro, Alice Lives of Girls and Women
??Murdoch, Iris Severed Head??
??Naylor, Gloria Mama Day??
Niffenegger, Audrey The Time Traveller's Wife
*Oates, Joyce Carol–We Were the Mulvaneys
O'Connor, Flannery A Good Man is Hard to Find
Piercy, Marge Woman on the Edge of Time
Picoult, Jodi My Sister's Keeper
Plath, Sylvia The Bell Jar
Porter, Katharine Anne Ship of Fools
Proulx, E. Annie The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn The Fountainhead
*Ray, Rachel 365: No Repeats
??Rhys, Jean Wide Sargasso Sea??
??Robinson, Marilynne Housekeeping??
??Rocha, Sharon For Laci??
Sebold, Alice The Lovely Bones
Shelley, Mary Frankenstein
Smith, Betty's Tree Grows in Brooklyn
??Smith, Zadie's White Teeth??
Spark, Muriel The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spyri, Johanna Heidi
Strout, Elizabeth Amy and Isabelle
Steel, Danielle The House
Tan, Amy The Joy Luck Club
??Tannen, Deborah You're Wearing That??
??Ulrich, Laurel A Midwife's Tale??
??Urquhart, Jane Away??
Walker, Alice The Temple of My Familiar
Welty, Eudora One Writer's Beginnings
*Wharton, Edith Age of Innocence
Wilder, Laura Ingalls Little House in the Big Woods
Wollstonecraft, Mary A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia A Room of One's Own

Pets with Diabetes

My dog has never had an accident. Not until this week. He has had two this week. Both times he tried to get to the door and didn't make it. I'm worried. Maybe I am paranoid. I don't want him to have diabetes. Pets with diabetes die shortly after diagnosis.

Anyone know how to test a dog's blood sugar? Or even the normal range for a dog's blood sugar? Yikes, I hope we were just ignoring him too much for him to make it outside in time.

Top 5

Top Five.

Top Five Non-Diabetes Related Websites
1. www.slickdeals.net
2. e-mail (www.gmail.com, www.yahoo.com)
3. www.hardwareforums.com
4. www.zug.com
5. www.bbspot.com

Top Five Reasons You’re Grinning Today
1. Cause I stayed home from school.
2. Cause we have really good cookies right now
3. Cause I got The Chronicles of Narnia on DVD.
4. Cause my blood sugars have been in range all day despite being sick.
5. Cause I finished an assignment

Top Five Uses for Bacon Bits
1. Take up space on salad bars
2. Throw at sisters in fit of rage
3. Make money for certain companies
4. Hide in dog's fur for interesting scene
5. Definitely NOT eat

Top Five Places You Want to Travel To
1. Africa
2. California
3. Alaska
4. Germany
5. Colorodo

Top Five Guilty Pleasures
1. Long hot showers
2. Chocolate
3. Naps
4. Long drives in places with high speed limits
5. Copious amounts of caffiene

I think I had a low last night

When I woke up this morning my meter, a syringe, and a bottle of insulin were all in bed with me, an open bottle of water was next to my bed, and my blood sugar was 60. No readings in my memory show any tests during the night, but I remember getting up once last night thinking I should test and feeling dizzy. I must have fallen back asleep before I could test. Kinda funny. Luckily my bs wasn't lower than 60, and the rest of the day has been great bs wise.

Anyone else ever wake up with random diabetes supplies in bed with them?

How old am I?

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Real age= 20 years old

My Reasons for Wanting a Pump Soon

Several comments have asked why I think a pump would benefit me now. So I present to you, my top reasons.

1. Insulin sensitivity- My insulin carb ratio is either 1/20 or 1/30 (depending on time of day) now, so since you can't take below .5 units in syringes, I could bolus much more specifically with a pump.

2. Different basal rates- I'm more resistant during the day than at night, so rather than accommodating that with different carb ratios now (a work around), I could actually set different basal rates and have less lows and highs.

3. Exercise- Setting a temp basal to prevent lows rather than eating would be so nice, and help me lose weight, since I would not have to eat more just to exercise. I seem to have lows after exercise as well as during.

4. Turning off pump during lows-My lows can be very hard to recover from, and sometimes go on for hours. Setting a temp basal would help this.

5. Eliminate weekend highs- My records show I'm way higher on weekends than weekdays, I could use different basal rates to help this.

6. Gastroparesis- Square bolus could match up the timing of the insulin to the timing of my stomach better than shots.

7. Hectic lifestyle- Bolusing with a pump iseasier than taking shots on the run, and less planning involved.

8. Some days I just seem to run low- Setting a temp basal would help this as well.

9. My schedule is going to be even more hectic in the fall then it is now, and over the summer. A pump would make things easier in several ways. Bolusing can be done “on the run,” plus, the pump would handle most of the logging.

10. My insurance co-pay for a pump goes up in July significantly, so if I want one, now is the best timing.

11. Pumps can keep track of insulin on board better than I can by myself.



Yes, I plan on taking this list to the doctor with me.