It's hard for me to know what to post. I don't know what I am suppose to post. It's hard for me to say what diabetes means to me, because even though it is a condition I live with daily, it's not a static emotional state. I feel differently about diabetes everyday. Sometimes I feel like I hate it, and just want it gone. Other times I feel like it's so much ingrained in me I wouldn't exist without it. And sometimes I just feel like any other person.
When I think about what diabetes means to me, all the emotions that flooded me at diagnosis storm back to haunt me. Because really, I go through mini versions of these emotions daily.
I felt scared then. Scared for my future. Scared for what would come of me. Scared at all the information I had to learn. I feel scared daily when I go low, or realize I low will come due to a blood sugar of 80 and 4 units on board. I still feel scared for my future sometimes too.
I was mad then. And I feel anger at some point daily, though usually only momentarily.
I felt dread over the first injections and finger pokes, and still dread site changes, though less with each site change.
And yet I also felt excited at the opportunity to get better.
Diabetes hasn't been the end of my world. But I still get teary eyes and emotional when I see this, or read this, or this.
Diabetes is a day to day effort, and each day is a new day. And I continue to hope for all people with diabetes that some day will be a new day without insulin and finger pokes or the fear or reality of complications.
10 comments:
well said. looks like you did know what to post after all!
I agree-- very well said, Megan.
Great post, Megan. I like what you said about it being a day-to-day effort and each day being a new day.
At the end of a crappy day, when I want to throw my pump against the wall, I can quote either you or Scarlett O'Hara who said, "...tomorrow is another day." :-)
Each day is a new day, Megan. You're completely right on that. There's something very comforting about that Clean Slate.
You may have questioned what you should post, but you ended up posting something beautiful.
Great post Megan. Thank you for writing it :)
I LOVE MEGAN!!!
In the most heterosexual way possible. Teehee. You are pretty much total awesomeness. And the rest of you is just kinda dorky. :-D
Love & Happiness!!
Yeah, that big f - fear - is such a constant companion. Just let it come in, have its say, and move on to the next stop down the line. (No need to invite him in for tea and cookies.......)
Have a good weekend.
This post only cements my conviction that you are all my heros for facing diabetes head on through all the fears and worries you have instead of ignoring it.
Your strength amazes me.
Great post Megan!
I really apprecaited the part where you talked about the fact that even though diabetes is a static disease, you feel very different about it from day to day.
Very true!!
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