In Which I Can't Keep My Priorities Straight

I have a love/hate relationship with school. I love being there. I love the people I go to school with. I love my professors and their real-life anecdotes about the career I am going into. I love listening to their experiences. I love my campus. I love seeing the statues on campus covered with leaves or snow or surrounded by flowers depending on the season. I love that being a full time student allows me to have insurance coverage without the burden of a full time job.

Yet I hate the new stress each semester brings. I hate craming for a test, or rushing to get a paper done. I hate studying, bluntly, and I hate some of the competition for grades. I hate that as soon as one assignment is done the next creeps up. I hate that my parents accuse me of craming, when I have no choice but to have two days to study for one exam, since there was another one I was studying for two weeks ago. I hate that I spent $7 on index cards today to appease Ms. Anal. And I hate that Office Max only sells certain sizes of cards in packs of 300. I hate that I need to redo some of said cards because they did not meet Ms. Anal's approval.

This semester is overwhelming me. And for no particular reason. It's no more hectic or busy than other semesters, and the material interests me. If I stay on top of things, I should be able to achieve a very satisfactory GPA.

Yet I am overwhelmed.

Having many assignments looming over my head stresses me. I know it does. In HS I could avoid this by merely not procrasinating. In college, all my assignment due dates are laid out for me on the first day of the semester. I hate syllabi.

I have a planner, and all due dates are labelled in my planner. It keeps me somewhat sane.

But my fear of assignments hanging over my head leads me to an interesting predicament. I do things I think I can do first. And as a result, I have assignments that are due in December or November done. But I don't feel ready for the exam I have tomorrow. *sigh*

But in the midst of all this stress, one thing has helped me keep things in perspective- the blog Beanie Baby has led me to read- Annika's story. You may notice the new button to the right this reading as result in me adding. Go ahead. Click it. I think it works. If you want the whole story, go through all the reading detailed here. It took me a few days to complete, but I am glad I did.

I am living with a major chronic illness. But I can control my circumstances. I may be fraustrated with college, but I am lucky that I can go to college. And I will have the chance to work after college.