Screw the Pump Again

Well, today is my two week aniversarry of pumping. Or would be anyways. That is...if my pump were working. Guess what- it's not really waterproof! One half hour in the pool and it's totally broken. My new pump will be here wednesday. So 40 hours of shots. I think I'm gonna go cry now. Bye.

Screw the Pump

For now at least.

It's 2:30 am and an hour ago I pulled out my second site for the day. The first one pulled out while I was getting dressed this morning. New site went in. That one I yanked out purposefully, as it hurt like hell. Sure enough, blood leaked in a steady stream from the site when I yanked it out. "Lovely" I thought as I pressed a tissue against the sore area, relieved to have the site out.

And I ignored diabetes for an hour. Glucose climbed from 105 to 175. And that's when it struck me that I had to do something about insulin besides just ignore my physiological need for it and prance around like a non-diabetic. So 11 units of lantus went in the left side of my stomach, and 2 of novolog in the right. And that's all the more I am thinking about diabetes tonight.

Over and out.

Strange...

I had lunch today. I had that cheesy mac and cheese you put the goob on. I was careful to only have one serving. It brought back memories of the last time I had it- a year ago. I had about three servings, not giving a damn about how many carbs it had. I wondered briefly why I would do that. Then I remembered. I didn't have diabetes back then. It didn't matter. And it was strange. Because it was then I realized diabetes had taken over so much of my life I barely remember what it was like to not have diabetes, even though it was only a year ago. I feel like I have had it forever.

Not me.

The numbers on the prescription form stared back at me: 250.x1. It was a code I looked up before, but not one I had to look up this time. I knew what it meant. The doctors weren't keeping any secrets from me. In fact, these numbers played an intricate part in my life. They represent the ICD-9 label for type 1 diabetes. Or in other terms- “diabetes, juvenile type.” The label was applied to me months ago. But it wasn't a label that I felt comfortable with.

For one thing, with a diagnosis age of 19, juvenile hardly described me. Type 1 diabetes I felt slightly more comfortable, but still, it wasn't me.

For another thing, I wasn't sick enough. With no hospitalizations caused by this diagnosis, no ketoacidosis, and only a few lows that I couldn't bring myself out of, this wasn't me. I wasn't afraid of ketones because I never had a problem with them. My lack of fear was evidenced by my blatant lack of ketone strips. I had only tested ketones 8 times in my life- the exact number of strips included in a Precision Xtra ketone pack. And all 8 times it was 0.0. So my lack of fear continued. This wasn't me. I wasn't sick. I wasn't dependent on a substance that didn't even exist 83 years ago.

In fact- I rarely thought about diabetes. But at the same time, it consumed my mind. I took a shot every time I ate. I tested 10 times a day. I could formulate a carb count for almost any food with a glance of my eyes. But it didn't bother me. And none of my friends knew about my secret world of shots and tests and carb counting.

And the forms were signed. And faxed off. And insurance approved. And my order was shipped. And training was scheduled.

And.
The.
Box.
Came.

It was small. Too small. And light. Too light. I held it next to my cell phone. It was the same size. My cell phone was cool. But my life relied on this. I knew that mentally, but couldn't grasp it emotionally. My life did not depend on insulin- I wasn't sick enough. The hormone was just something that was there to give me more energy. Like a vitamin supplement, in my opinion. No big deal if a cannula gets kinked or I miss a dose.

I read the manuals. I did the training. I got told I knew everything I needed to. I got hooked up, blessed, and sent on my way.

But it wasn't me. And it still isn't. It's just there.

And Without Further Ado...

The interview questions!

Sorry this took so long.

Rebecca (btw, I'm gonna add a link to your blog).
1. What was your first thought when being diagnosed?
2. When did you know you wanted to work with animals? Why? (sorry, I cheated, two questions in one).
3. Have you considered pumping?
4. Where can you typically found on a Saturday night?
5. Ten words that describe you.

Justme (adding you too! man, so many bloggers I didn't know about!).
1. Top 3 tv shows?
2. I noticed you are house hunting. Describe your dream home.
3. Top 5 diabetes pet peeves?
4. You're pretty new to diabetes- has it changed your life as much as you thought it would?
5. What is your favorite part about your hometown?

Interview MeMe

Allison interviewed me (per my request). Took me awhile to come up with these answers for several reasons:
1. final exams (woot, woot)
2. failure to think of answers (mmm...maybe I exhausted my thinking ability?)


1. If you had a Saturday to do absolutely anything in the world (assuming you were a gazillionaire and the ability to travel instantly to another location), what would you do?
Oh...I would want to do so much. First I would want to go parasailing. I've always wanted to do that. Shopping sprees too of course, I could use a new computer. I'd want to go to an amuesmant park and ride rollarcoasters (with no lines, of course). I'd probably want to go snorkling too. When do I get to do this, again?


2. Now that you've been on the pump for a few days, is there anything you don't like about it?
Yeah, the whole having diabetes bit :D Besides that, everything else is just minor annoyances. And even those I think will be fixed with longer tubing. It annoys me when I drop it and I have it hanging from my abdomen. It annoys me when I roll over and *jerk* wake up at night from it. That kinda stuff. Other than that I love it! I even forgot I had it Monday for the first time ever. I was taking an exam, and I reached down for a pencil, my hand got stuck in tubing and I though, "What is that?" And volia. I had a pump.

3. If you could have any job in the world, what would you want to do?
I'd want to open a diabetes center. And I'm not even joking. I have so many good ideas. And after going through three centers before I found one I liked, I have ideas at what is good and what isn't. I think it would be fun. Plus, you would be the first to see all the new inventions. And to get paid to think about something I think about anyways? That's a pretty sweet deal!

4. Do you have any siblings? If yes, what is your relationship like? If no, do you wish you had siblings?

I have two sisters, aged 13 and 17. The 17 year old and I get along pretty well. The 13 year old and I usually aruge, but really love each other. We are just quite accomplished at annoying each other. We used to get along better when she was younger. Maybe when she is older (aka past this middle school crap) it will be good again. The 17 year old and I have different interests- she actually likes shopping! And she can't imagine why I like camping. But alas, we manage to have fun together. Eating food is something we all like, afterall.


5. Who is your inspiration? This is a hard one. I have different inspirations for different things. I have my person who I go to for God-stuff advice. I have my parents who I go to for school and life advice. I have professors who I want to be like when I am in the working world. I even have different "attitude role-models" who have great attitudes I want to model. So basically I have no one inspiration, but look up to a lot of different people with a lot of different traits.


If you want to be interviewed, leave a comment. I'll interview 5 people, or slightly more if this is in high demand.

Pump Update

I've now been pumping a few days. And I've come to a few conclusions:

1. I LOVE pumping. It's as good as I thought it would be and better. The convience is superb! I love being able to bolus on the go, and using temp rates for excersise and all the things I thought I would love about it.

2. I'm already used to wearing it, not bad at all!

3. I need longer tubing. 23 inches isn't even long enough for me to set it down when I get dressed.

4. I LOVE the insets. No pain at all yet!

5. I need higher basals across the board- I can do better than 150s-200s. No lows yet though. Right now I am using 9.18 units basal. I was using 11 units on Lantus.

6. Having meter built into pump=huge convienance.

7. The Cozmo case does, indeed, suck.

8. I had a milkshake and didn't even feel sick afterwards! That's amazing!

9. Filling up reservoir 150 units is about perfect for my 20 unit a day requirments. That works out to about 2 reservoir changes per set change perfectly.

I think there's more, but that's all I can remember for now.