I pulled up to the stop light. It was 7pm. Around the time I expected to get home, though two hours earlier than I was scheduled to get home.

I had just done well at school. Really well on the testing I did that day.

That sky was a weird mixture of passing rain clouds and setting sun. I would best describe it as "pretty."

One of my fave bands, Casting Crowns, was playing on the radio.

The streets were a friendly-sorta-busy, and some kids rode their bikes on the side walks.

It struck me that I truly am happy with my life and the direction it was going. And I felt peace.

I stood at the red light waiting for it to change. But I wasn't in a hurry. I was content.

The red lights on the progressing blocks blurred together as my vision blurred, deep in thought.

I thought about how good I felt at the moment. And how happy I was. And I thought about how I would never remember the moment, or the cool sky, or the blurring stop lights. But I hoped I would remember how I felt.

Then I tried to think about how I felt at that moment the year before.

Scared probably. I was sick and I knew it. And the next day I was going to the doctor to talk about it, knowing exactly what she would tell me, but not caring, just hoping she would fix me.

I don't remember much about Sept 28, 2005. I don't know what I did. I don't know what the day of the week was. But it was my last day not having diabetes.

In Which I Can't Keep My Priorities Straight

I have a love/hate relationship with school. I love being there. I love the people I go to school with. I love my professors and their real-life anecdotes about the career I am going into. I love listening to their experiences. I love my campus. I love seeing the statues on campus covered with leaves or snow or surrounded by flowers depending on the season. I love that being a full time student allows me to have insurance coverage without the burden of a full time job.

Yet I hate the new stress each semester brings. I hate craming for a test, or rushing to get a paper done. I hate studying, bluntly, and I hate some of the competition for grades. I hate that as soon as one assignment is done the next creeps up. I hate that my parents accuse me of craming, when I have no choice but to have two days to study for one exam, since there was another one I was studying for two weeks ago. I hate that I spent $7 on index cards today to appease Ms. Anal. And I hate that Office Max only sells certain sizes of cards in packs of 300. I hate that I need to redo some of said cards because they did not meet Ms. Anal's approval.

This semester is overwhelming me. And for no particular reason. It's no more hectic or busy than other semesters, and the material interests me. If I stay on top of things, I should be able to achieve a very satisfactory GPA.

Yet I am overwhelmed.

Having many assignments looming over my head stresses me. I know it does. In HS I could avoid this by merely not procrasinating. In college, all my assignment due dates are laid out for me on the first day of the semester. I hate syllabi.

I have a planner, and all due dates are labelled in my planner. It keeps me somewhat sane.

But my fear of assignments hanging over my head leads me to an interesting predicament. I do things I think I can do first. And as a result, I have assignments that are due in December or November done. But I don't feel ready for the exam I have tomorrow. *sigh*

But in the midst of all this stress, one thing has helped me keep things in perspective- the blog Beanie Baby has led me to read- Annika's story. You may notice the new button to the right this reading as result in me adding. Go ahead. Click it. I think it works. If you want the whole story, go through all the reading detailed here. It took me a few days to complete, but I am glad I did.

I am living with a major chronic illness. But I can control my circumstances. I may be fraustrated with college, but I am lucky that I can go to college. And I will have the chance to work after college.

Another MeMe

Stolen from Julia.

1. If you make sweet tea, or your favorite style, do you use Luzianne, Lipton or something else?
I don't make tea. For real. If I do, it's herbal. And it's Lipton.


2. What brand of toilet paper do you buy and is it the larger rolls or regular?
We buy whatever brand is on sale- the really big ones, so we never have to change them. Or at least we don't have to change themn everyday.


3. Which brand of bath soap do you use? Body wash or bar?
I use body wash. Currently using Curess.


4. What cereal do you buy for yourself?
Yum, frosted shredded wheat!


5. What brand of dishwasher detergent do you use? Liquid or tablets?
I have no idea. That's what moms are for. (*loses points with any moms reading*)


6. What’s your favorite fruit?
PEACHES! I LOVE peaches!

7. Which brand of laundry detergent do you use?
See #5. But actually, I know we use All Small and Mighty, cause I bought it last time. (*redems some brownie points back with the mom's reading*)

8. Do you like chocolate?
Uhm, yeah. That's why God invented boluses, right?


9. Are you right or left-handed?
Right


10. Do you still write checks or use a debit card?
Plastic baby!

Questioning

Dear Medco-
Do you not realize I am dependant on your for my meds? It's insulin, I know it's expensive, but it's not like I want to use it either. It's insulin, something your pancreas probably (I'm not going to make assumptions here) makes the correct amount of daily without you giving it a second thought. It's insulin, and I need it damn it, please ship it already. And my test strips too. So I am not just randomly guessing amounts to take.

Dear Dr. Endo-
In the future, will you please so kindly spell out how much insulin to give me to Medco, so we can avoid this. I know you realize I wear a pump. And I know you realize that means I don't have set doses, or use the same amount everyday, but please, just make something up so they will ship me my insulin!

Dear Ms. P
Why, oh why does your assignment call for 2 4x6 index cards and 2 5x8 index cards? This means I have to go buy 2 packs of cards so I can use 2 cards out of each. Why couldn't I just buy 1 pack of 5x8 and use 4 cards out of it?

Dear OC Members-
Why aren't you commenting? Do you still read? My comments section is getting lonely.

I'm Pundit!

I realize my blog may be a tad on the serious side lately, so time for something fun!

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

I'm pundit, eh? There's a word a don't use everyday. And talk about a nice self esteem boast! Lol, too bad random-blogthing-generator can't actually read my blog to judge for itself.

Can't wait to see what you fellow bloogerites get!